WHEN PIGS GREW WINGS SWINE FLU

Well I guess it is safe to come out and play again. Big Brother has saved us once again from our miserable sickly selves.

What could we have possibly done without the help of our benefactor?
Somewhere around 35,000 people die of regular flu every year. We have known about this SWINE FLU out break for about 4 months now and it has already killed like 142 people. Some of them in the good ole United States of America. WHAT CAN WE DO? OH MY! No one wants to be killed by the SWINE flu how awful. I'll take my chances with the seasonal flu any day thank you.

We have learned to fight an epidemic by vaccination, and staying home when ill, and washing our hands, and covering our mouths when we cough and the like. We try to be considerate of others in this time of temporary illness.

It is well known in Machiavellian circles that to achieve coalition thinking you need to promote common goals. The best to way to get that is by having a common enemy. Best way to get that is by a common fear.
Now then, can you speculate with me for a moment who or what group might want us to be so fearful so as to unite us regardless of the need?

It is true; at the initial discovery and report of this SWINE flu strain it was not known if it was a dreaded virulent killer like back in 1918-1919. It is always good to have a movement of fearful obedient followers dependant on it's leaders armed with superior esoteric knowledge and understanding of some basic facts.

HERE ARE SOME

The flu of 1918-1919 is reputed to have killed as many people as socialists have killed while experimenting with governments over the last 100 years.
Hitler is reported to have killed 9 to 13 million is gas chambers and firing squads. Stalin may have killed as many as 20 million to get his collective ideas cooked up and then in China no one really knows.

The Spanish flu of 1918-1919 killed about 40 million people all together so Chairman Mao would have to gang up with Castro, Che Guevara, Slobodan Milosevic, and quite a few others to top that record of killing. It is a good bet that socialists models of government have killed a good many more people than any kind of flu strain.

Wonder, for a moment, if we will have a group emerge that will protect us.

They could hold up signs and be on General Electric's Katy Couric News Hour singing "SWINE FLEW"---- "YOU CAN TOO" --------------------------featuring Pogo and the Manchurians.

You can't really blame the SWINE flu. It is just trying to survive so it can get it's message across. It does this by mutating or morphing into something else so as not to become extinct. Just like any self respecting "SWINE" would.

What really bugs me is why did it come out as the "SWINE" FLU? I have not really found that SWINE has been all that infectious a brand name.

Oh! well yes it has it's audiences. As a matter of fact over the last 8 months more people have read the SWINE BLOG than have died of the SWINE Flu! Many many more in fact. Comparing the popularity of the SWINE BLOG and the SWINE FLU is like comparing the popularity of home grown tomatoes in Multnomah Village near Portland, Oregon to truck farming in Reykjavík Iceland.

"GENERAL CHOW" FOR THE MASSES

BUY A CAN OF THIS VERY FINE FOOD PRODUCT TODAY

RENDITION OVER AT BATTLE CREEK

My Uncle Helmer is sometimes perceived as kind of a conservative Dakota farm boy. Actually he was considered by the townsfolk as quite a progressive liberal sort of guy! In the classic definition that is.

Today if you're liberal you pride yourself in wanting more government stuff paid for by someone more willing or able to work harder and more successfully than you. It all gets worked out using a complicated government formula based on fairness.
That short sighted selfishness has lead a good country like Cuba, for example, to an early end. Cuba is operated by a totalitarian dictator who's legacy appears to be only one lifetime long.
Fidel Castro is effectively the Government there.
He operates the commerce system, the currency, the banks, the auto dealers, farming and manufacturing and he even suggests uniform outfits so everybody looks the same and gets treated fairly.

Anyway, Helmer was downtown one day and saw a new breakfast cereal box setting up in the store window of Red Tenor's General Store Tavern and Pool Hall.

"Snap Crackle Pop Rice Krispies!" WOW! Just pour on some milk and sit back and listen to the wonderment from Battle Creek Michigan. When it settles down some you can put a spoon of sugar on it to really make it good.

Now, in the beginning, early runs of the product would over heat or sometimes during shift changes at the plant some of the Rice Krispies kernels would get stuck in the oven for two or three times as long as the recipe called for.
They would come out resembling ---well; they looked a lot like mouse droppings!
Think about it in your minds eye. An overdone single Rice Krispie sure does resemble the stuff you sometimes find out in the barn, or over at Crazy Aunt Clara's place in the kitchen cupboards.

Well Helmer's first box, wouldn't you know, had a trace portion of the overdone kind. Like I said earlier Helmer was thought to be kind of liberal. Which used to mean patient and thoughtful and polite and considerate of others. Someone who was willing to give new things a try. So he sat down with a pen and paper and wrote a respectful complaint and offered a solution to the problem.

Dear Kellogg Company
Rice Krispie Division
Battle Creek Michigan;

"I recently had the honor of trying the first box of your fine product sold in our community. I found the vast majority of it's contents to be of excellent quality and the promise of a "snap crackle and pop" presentation far exceeded anything the local vendor Red Tenor had advertised."

"We also understand that government FDA standards allow a certain minimum amount of of rodent excrement in every box of your very fine cereal product. We understand that and will expect it when purchasing another box of your product."

"We suggest and only ask if you would mind putting it in a separate container!"

One Kellogg Square,
P.O. Box 3599
Battle Creek, MI 49016
http://www.google.com/www.ricekrispies.com/


Please understand any similarity of our product or advertising slogans are coincidental and are in no way to be considered a positive or negative comment regarding our or their "very fine food product" GENERAL CHOW

RE: HOT DOG TRAVELER Meanwhile no new sightings or eyewitness accounts as the the whereabouts of the principle of this company, but rumor has it, all is not lost. Stay tuned.

DEMON FRIEND

I want to tell you about a friend of mine that I wished I didn't know.
He comes inside and goes for a ride when I'm drunk and feeling low.
I've given all I can to him, surrendered everything.
but he makes me mean and vicious and hides me from my heart.

It scares me when he comes to call, but he is interesting it is true.
He's strong and bold and loud and tough, clever and bizarre.
While, I'm weak and soft and shy myself, I consider him a star.

I don't know why he loves me so, I've given him my life.
Now he wants to hurt my son and take away my wife!

I'll send him out a shaken and leave him on his own.
He can't come back to visit me if he is ruining my home.

I know that I might miss him, just occasionally, but when I do
remember, he's a no good friend for either me and you.

Folks say he looks a lot like me but his face is strained and gray.
Maybe some of his act I like. and maybe some is good.
He's funny as a ginny bird and clever as a fox
Maybe I can do some of those things without losing all I've got.

I've gone too long with this wicked song--- this dance with my demon friend
So I'll say so long and dance along

goodbye my demon friend

Gradients of Destiny and Crawdad Fishing up at Holy Camp

Back, quite a ways, my Uncle Helmer's kid got caught up in an economic downturn; kinda like the one were all in now. He decided to get into the wholesale fishing business.
He and the neighbor boy saddled up their ponies, put on their rubber cowboy outfits and cantered up to the rendering plant for a ride around piles of three day dead horses. You can catch a mess of crawdads if you choose the right "three day dead horse."

They pulled the best of the horse flesh up to Big Stone Lake on a skid behind a Farm-All Cub tractor the neighbor kids father loaned them. They set their baits in their traps out near "Holy Camp" and in no time at all had a pretty fair share of "mud bugs" to sell.

Helmer had a shirttail relation by the name of Seal over in Minneapolis who was a desperate fish monger. Seal was willing to do anything to create a market for the boys new fishing business and to keep up his own mortgage payments in the process.

After about a week they were getting low on bait so they went back to the plant to stock up. Greed set in and they piled extra "three day dead horses" on the skid and set them out off the shores of Lake Travis nears Browns Valley Concert Hall where Lawrence Welk played on the weekends.

They baited their traps all over the area but for some unknown reason the catch played out fast!
Then, they made and awful, great discovery. If a crawdads pincher gets knocked off for some reason it grows right back! They wondered if that fish monger, name of Seal, was desperate enough to take orders for just crawdad pincher's.

The concept of "sustainable yield" was born.

Now, this was way before old man Stimson from the logging company way out in Forest Grove, Oregon was preaching conservation for the future of the forest products industry, or the environmentalist movement had even invented itself. This is long before anyone knew that human liver could do the same thing if cut in two. This is way before that fellow wrote the book "Solent Green!"

Nobody to this day knows for sure what makes certain things just grow back the way they do. There are scientists researching stem cells harvested from little babies embryonic cord blood to learn what might be possible to regrow right now if we had to. There seems to be something inside certain genes that just wants to be. The little cells seem to have what they call "Gradients of Destiny."
The idea is, you could take one of these little stem cells and regrow Christopher Reeves broken spinal cord for example. One guy who has been messing with this stuff made up a powder for his brother to dip his finger stub into after he cut it off on the table saw. The finger hurt like the dickens but by and by, sure enough, it grew back!

Charles Darwin took a sail boat named the Beagle down to the Galapagos archipelago in the eastern Pacific and noticed that little finches on the islands grew specialized beaks for breaking up different size seeds to eat. These seeds are different depending on what part of the island they are growing at and what the weather is like there. Some are soft and large and some are small and hard etc. The beaks of the finches turn out different as well to serve better the birds that hang out in the differing areas.
He came up with a "natural selection" hypothesis that assumed over the course of thousands of years better beaks emerged because the birds that had inferior beaks died off faster and the ones with good beaks became more and more successful. Get it?

Now,the Beagle had to take off pretty quick for other parts of the world so what Darwin didn't know was that those beaks changed in a matter of just a few generations. If you don't believe it; read up on it in the National Geographic February 2009 issue or watch it on the TV. Those beaks just kind of want to change with the situation. The Gradients of their Destiny depended on the rapidly changing weather in times of drought or raining periods. This occurs in a relatively short period of time mind you NOT thousands of years!

Scientists are mapping the human genome. They know now that genes are like building blocks with differing shapes. Now, the weird part is if you stack them up different they turn into different things. There are at least 23 maybe 25 thousand of these building blocks. Geometrically that is a lot of possible combinations to understand but with the aid of computers it might be possible and useful to know. Lots of different combinations and rates of growth with mysterious built in on/off switches make different gradients of cell destiny.

If you stack them up a certain way you might get a crawdad pincher or stack them differently you may get a good singing voice. Works the same for birds and human tenors, if you know the right stacking order and how to turn on and off the growth recipe. No one knows just why this is or what makes cells know what they are to be.

The heavens have an inexplicable tendency to do things in an elegant order even though the mathematical tendency would be for things to be chaotic. Stephen Hawking the great wheel chair bound theist cosmologist synthesized voice of our age stated “ The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.”

By the way, these useful building blocks are still being used to regrow crawdad pinchers which can be purchased out at Gales Creek "Bargain Basement Bobs Bait Shop" just off the exit heading up to Scoggins Dam where the Stimson Lumber Mill once flourished. Crawdad meat is almost irresistible to "Sea Run" cutthroat trout. Next time you are heading for any Oregon coast stream get a mess of crawdad meat for bait. Old man Seal, the desperate fish monger, still enjoys the residuals from his early sales effort. You can also get a taste of pincher down in New Orleans at Crabby Cathy's Creole Castle on the way to Captain Terry's south of town across the big bridge crossing the Mississippi.

Back to these little building blocks. They can be stacked to create the mundane or the "God Particle" being assembled in Europe in a long tube which can accelerate particles in opposite directions to the speed of light. They collide them to create little black holes to simulate the start of the universe. They haven't connected yet but it is just a matter of time. Get it?

What makes these things want to be what they become?
No one knows; but it is increasingly cumbersome to keep referring to these Gradients Of Destiny.

A large number of folks just shorten it to the nick name G.O.D.

Now a word from our sponsor:

I wish I had better news about our old friend and former sponsor Hot Dog Traveller. After the court hearing it was reported to this office that credit card trails from the firm fell off somewhere down in New Guinea outside of the Port of No Return. We will of course keep you posted if we hear anything.

MEANWHILE OUR SPONSOR GENERAL CHOW REMINDS US THAT THERE IS A SUITABLE PORTION OF CRAW FISH MEAT IN EVERY CAN OF HIS VERY FINE FOOD PRODUCT.

BIG PICTURE POLITICS QUICK BUCKS YOUR EYES ONLY

The rumor is, a lot of folks won't read blogs even if a friend sends them, because of the fear that politics may be found in the content. A lot of folks don't want anything to do with thinking ahead on their own in these matters. Most folks are much to busy with the day to day order of things and don't have much confidence in their own big picture thinking any how. They would rather just hire someone every four years or so to do their thinking for them.

That's why we have a representative republic instead of a democracy. Can you imagine running a whole country democratically! It would take forever just to decide on what kind of dog to pick out as the presidents family pet.

Not so with SWINE. It has a very high opinion of itself on just about any subject you can think about all the time.

Still, there has been concern regarding low readership on the part of one sponsor, that actually can not be quoted at the moment due to pending litigation, over agreements made regarding readership.

Now; one would think that friends associated with the columns writers and staff would consider just how crucial beginning readership numbers can be to a fledgling fly by night operation like this one and would throw a bone of support.

The thought has been forwarded that there may be some "political content" in the articles that would account for the reluctance to do so.
There have been 32 weekly issues of SWINE published since its inception. Growth in readership is steady at about 2.7% increase weekly.

In order to establish how political SWINE articles are the editor had one guy count the number of articles that were political and 3 were counted! THREE! The readership short fall could not possibly be explained by readers fearful of the discovery of too much political mulch. Another guy started in on a recount and found 4 possibly 5 total articles of political content in the entire SWINE blog.
Bottom line, there isn't much political content for folks to be uncomfortable with reading at all, maybe just 4 to 5% is all. Mostly middle of the road according to the best critical thinkers in the bunch.

Only the most inescapable conclusion can be drawn.

The damn thing just isn't much worth reading.




Quick buck

Some new readers came to the blog lately with some pretty fair points about the stock market bubble of the 90's and the resounding interest in it's continuation.

The new thinking is that real wealth is built to last over time and can't be achieved with over night luck. Or, wait a minute maybe that's the old thinking.

Let's listen in

one guy
"Agreed. In a society built around the employer/employee relationship, though, getting from here to there seems daunting to most people, myself included.
next guy
"Hey, nothing fundamentally wrong with being an employee. Be the best one you can be. Be an associate of the owner of the company. Be sure that every thing you do during each moment of your day including your imagination and your intellect is yours in the company.

Do not punch a time clock and call the punched in time company time!
The more people we have acting independently and self directed; the more the power of the economy is spread around and the

safer we are from a powerful few.

another guy
Think about this -------------Americans recently polled by Fox-------------

53% believe in capitalism

20% believe in socialism

27% don't know
Look the big point is:
53% of Americans polled "believe in" capitalism like a religion or something? It's an economic system! It works in a certain way or it doesn't. It is a function not a nebulous ethereal concept. (incidentally it works so well in order for it to benefit mankind some restraint must be placed on it with rules of law enforced by peer presure and government)
The smaller point is:
What in the hell are those 27% thinking about?

The other point:

Why are there 20% of us that want some kind of socialist program?

Joining a line of non-productives for a hand out! Are they deluded into thinking that if they joined an "elitist class" struggle movement they suddenly will be a hugely successful individual destined for a controlling position in the elite?

As contrasted to unsuccessful person in a capitalist world that encourages success?

Remember there is a percentage (how large I am not sure) that really believe that they are not capable productive citizens and need a helping hand. I have dear friends that have told me so about themselves. I deny that they can not contribute, and for the most part they can if given love and encouragement and a clear path to employment.
Then there is another percentage that wants socialism to popularize so they can be in an exploitative position.

last guy

If I were a socialist I would be in one of those controlling positions "guarandamnteed".

The question for each of us is; what are we as individuals.
I wonder if the vast majority really even knows! Or, is THAT the 27%

NOTE: THIS STUFF IS REAL SCARY CORRUPTING AND BORING

DO NOT FORWARD TO ANY ONE

THIS IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY!

Due to pending litigation no sponsorship to these articles has been solicited.

Talks continue, we'll keep you posted as to the outcome.

BRILLIANT DISGUISE

I have a friend who rides motorcycles in Northern California out of the "Gateway to the Redwoods".
The "REDWOOD RUN" is world famous. Mostly Harley's obviously, but there are Triumphs, Ducati's, old Indians, an occasional Matchless and lots and lots of new fangled state of the art Japanese bikes.

I asked my friend what the real difference is between his Harley chopper and a Honda Chopper.

He told me "no one would bother stealing a Honda chopper!"

CHAPTER 2

It was really, really dark out in the woods east of Banff, Alberta Canada that night. I had just made a wrong turn onto a road that was even darker. The head lights would hardly penetrate the scary darkness. If you had black lights installed behind your grill I can't see how it could have been much darker.

It was dark!

I almost forgot to tell you that our car is black and the windows are shaded and we were both wearing dark glasses to make the drive more challenging. We had not slept for over two days due to a power outage "lowere" in the valley. I'm really talking dark here.

A 9 foot tall creature sprang up out of an even darker area from the side of the road at the front right side of the car. It was kind of hard to see through the extreme darkness but it could have been, my god, yes, well maybe it was one of those Yeti bears they have up in the Himalaya's. It looked soaking wet which made it look really dark. We were really scared so it is hard to insist on our own infoulabilitly to report this incident and even with the aid of brand new headlights in a brand new car it was unbelievably dark outside.

We made a terrible discovery, that I am not sure anyone has ever reported on any of those history or science channels on the satellite TV networks from outer space that covers this sort of thing. Those Sasquatches with the "Big Feet" are also shape shifters from outer space or somewhere. I think these space monkeys may pilot those UFO vehicles you hear about every week or so on the informative part of the TV.

So, this dark thing, this creature, starts shape shifting by growing out a long extra set of legs out the back and some big paddle like horns in the front and by the time he had crossed the little dark road we were lost on, well, he looked for all the world like a great big dark soaking wet male moose!

He threatened us with menacing waves of his horns that by now had grown to enormous proportions. He glared at us with horrible yellow eyes that pieced the night.

And then, he was dissolved by the woods beyond. We never saw him again despite numerous calls and howls trying to imitate some prim evil animal instinct to beckon him back.

Epilogue

I recalled these things just yesterday while sitting in a $30,000 Salmon fishing boat sharing the Willamette River waterway where it joins the mighty Columbia River with at least 500 other guys with similarly priced boats who had not yet recognized the economic meltdown, or at least had refused to let it ruin a perfectly nice, sunny, day dreaming event on the river.
I played along.

If you question this piece you share the brilliance of a biz zillion others and you are a perfect customer for a very fine food product known as GENERAL CHOW

Secrets to unlock the mystery can be found in on and around any box purchased after today's date!

DRINKING CHIANTI WINE A TOTALLY FULL FILLING FIASCO

One of the great minor ambitions in my life has been to discover the finest drinking wine on Gods Planet Earth. I have not taken this commitment lightly. This ambition has consumed me,
rather than me it, for the best part of the last four decades!

I have travelled hither and yawn across vast distances, and have stayed close to home and off the road entirely during experimental imbibing.

I have drunk way more than my share of white wine from time to time, mostly to be sociable around the ladies.

Red wine however, made its mark on me very early on, as well as some of my furnishings. I have found that white wine, used as a solvent, can remove red wine from white carpet if you hit it real quick!
It's best to keep a bottle or two of white around for the inevitable eventualities, and of course to impress the ladies with your consideration, sensitivity, and possession of useful household skills.

Recently, some scientists have been made honorary members of that esteemed organization known as SWINE,

(Seniors Wildly Indifferent about Nearly Everything) for their particular faithfulness to my most favorite of minor ambitions.

First; for their persistent belief that red wine is good for you and their tenacity in finding something that proves it.

Second; for the discovery of resveratrol. It's some kind of little bug in a bottle of good Chianti. Empirically red wine is good for you. Yes sir, scientifically good for you!

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"The elixir's formula echoes recent scientific studies that credit resveratrol, a compound which is found in the skins of red grapes, with helping to prevent heart disease and other age-related illnesses." "Red wine does help prevent cardiovascular disease and may prevent other diseases of aging. It's still not clear if there is enough resveratrol to have the same kind of anti-aging effects in humans as we see in mice, but it is thought that a combination of resveratrol and other plant 'polyphenols,' as well as a bit of alcohol, are beneficial to health," David Sinclair, a pathology professor at Harvard Medical School, told Discovery News. Sinclair pointed out the eldest-ever man, Antonio Todd, was an Italian, who died at age 116.

Oh, thank God for this great man and the gift he has bestowed on us. Rejoice! All has been made right on Earth as it is in Heaven.

If you don't believe me just click on those embedded blue words. While we give thanks, don't forget Bill Gates or Al Gore or who ever it was that invented the Internet, and other research scientists that allow us to learn so much GOOD, so easy, with just the help of a little mouse.

Now, I may not have known the names of the chemicals, but I knew that red wine, and Chianti in particular, had therapeutic properties," I always feel psychologically better just thinking about it! I for sure feel better physically in the morning after a good bottle of Chianti and a long restful sleep.

"S"-WINE

Sangiovese

Sangiovese is the kind of grapes grown in the region near Sienna, Italy.

I spent 280 euros trying different varieties of this fine red wine till I found the formulation perfect for my particular palate. I went immediately to a city nearby to order a couple of cases shipped to my home so I was sure to have an ample supply for continuing my work. The shop keeper mocked me and tried to reason with me this way. "Why senior' would you spend so much money on Chianti?" "It's like the national drink around here!" It would be like you shipping Coca Cola from Atlanta Georgia to Portland Oregon.

"It's a secret formula, like Coca Cola's recipe" said Dr. De Munari. The good Doctor is another recent devotee to the ever increasing population of red wine drinkers joining SWINE; Seniors Wildly Indifferent to Nearly Everything while drinking S -Wine

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If you would like information as to how to join SWINE

Keep the address listed above and log on after each Sunday We'll keep you posted.

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An uncredited statement made on behalf of our former sponsor

HOT DOG TRAVELLER A self described expert in food vessels and transport, now partnered with the federal government of the United States of America.

"Chianti is a famous red wine of Italy, which takes its name from a traditional region of Tuscany where it is produced.[1] It used to be easily identified by its squat bottle enclosed in a straw basket, called fiasco ("flask"; pl. fiaschi); however, the fiasco is only used by a few makers of the wine now; most Chianti is bottled in traditionally shaped wine bottles. Low-end Chianti is fairly inexpensive, with a basic Chianti costing less than US$10 a bottle. More sophisticated Chiantis, however, are made and sold at substantially higher prices. Today, Chianti is generally consumed at room (technically "cellar") temperature, like most other red wines.

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Pop open a can of GENERAL CHOW you'll find Chianti pairs well with our very fine food product!